I tried to grow a beard

This is a photograph obviously taken from the front cover of a BBC dvd. I own the complete series of this story of nutters. It is absolutely hilarious. But why am I showing you this? I want you to look at the character in the middle. Dear old Uncle Albert, an ex-merchant seaman with the finest beard on television.

My friends in work call me Uncle Albert because I spent a very short time on the ocean’s waves. I was in the Royal Navy as a radio operator for all of two and a half years. So, being on holiday for all of nine days I thought I’d surprise them when I returned.

I tried to grow a beard…and failed!

The continual itching drove me mad. The reflection in my mirror gave me palpitations. God, I was scruffy! Grey mottled with dirty brown, or was it black. I never looked long enough to ascertain the true colour. And then one day, six days into it, I realized I had a dental appointment. I couldn’t face a very attractive dentist looking as if I’d crawled out of the nearest drainpipe – she’d have keeled over (notice the nautical pun).

So I shaved! And what a blessed relief. My complexion looks heaps better but I won’t say anything about the wrinkles I uncovered.

Now, some of you may be wondering why I bothered. I did many a time over those last days. It was the simple fact that I have been using a photograph of myself as a gravatar that is twenty years old. That was also pointed out in work; I hadn’t noticed (being a very observant security guard). So a change of image was called for…but sorry…not yet.

I have to find a decent updated photograph that won’t frighten anyone who accidentally comes across this page.

Now to a bit of the serious c/o http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/29_September

On this day in:

61 BCPompey the Great celebrates his third triumph for victories over the pirates and the end of the Mithridatic Wars – now ain’t that a real sailor’s name!

1911Italy declares war on the Ottoman Empire. – did they win?

1962Alouette 1, the first Canadian satellite, is launched. – didn’t know they had one.

Born this day:

106 BCPompey the Great, consul of Rome (d. 48 BC) – here he is again!

1758Horatio Nelson, British admiral (d. 1805) – what can I say!

1907Gene Autry, American actor, singer, and businessman (d. 1998) – he’d have looked good in a sailor suit riding his horse!

Died this day:

1804Michael Hillegas, first Treasurer of the United States (b. 1728) – blame him, I dare you!

1913Rudolf Diesel, Inventor of Diesel Engine (b. 1858) – I bet he’s turning in his grave the price on his fuel these days.

2002Edmund Trebus, English compulsive hoarder (b. 1918) – we’ve all got them.

And now the not so serious c/o http://www.cloverquotes.com/about/funny?feature=popular_topics

Whenever I see an old lady slip and fall on a wet sidewalk, my first instinct is to laugh. But then I think, what if I was an ant, and she fell on me. Then it wouldn’t seem quite so funny. Jack Handey·
Once again, no offence intended!

 

He’s going to p… on my grave!

It’s about time I got back to this. I have either been sidetracked into something else or I have stared at the screen with no motivation. I have been rather depressed lately waiting for Amazon to actually stock my second novel “Plague”. However, they are, at last, beginning to despatch them.

I have to relate an incident that occurred just over a week ago. An engineer who calls at my place of work. Yes, I still have a day job, Warner Bros can’t have seen my novels yet. Well, this guy tells me that he downloaded both my books onto his kindle a fortnight previously. And he enthused! He told me quite bluntly that if I die before I’ve published the third of my trilogy he will “piss on my grave”. Sorry for the language. After the initial shock at visualizing this, I determined that I would be cremated and my ashes spread in a forest (I love trees). My second reaction was to beam my pleasure at his compliment. I’ve been told since by others that he is going around telling everyone.

It’s nice to have at least one fan, hey!

I’ve begun the third novel with the working title of “Endings”, original wouldn’t you say! Anyway, I’ve drafted the first 15,000 words and am getting back into the swing of things. I’m finding again that I am racing through the plot, wanting to write the ending before the beginning. Does anyone else have this problem? I’d appreciate you letting me know.

But enough of the mundane. Trivia now c/o http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/20_June

1214 The University of Oxford receives its charter – the working class had no chance of entry then and the situation hasn’t changed since.

1631 The sack of Baltimore: the Irish village of Baltimore is attacked by Algerian pirates.

1840 Samuel Morse receives the patent for the telegraph. I learned the morse code fifty years ago when I was a radio operator in the Royal Navy – and do you know I still can’t get the damned thing out of my head.

Born on this day in:

1723 – Theophilus Lindsey, English theologian (d. 1808) – what a lovely name.

1916 – Johnny Morris, British children’s presenter (d. 1999) He had a very distinctive voice. I can still hear it to this day.

1924 – Audie Murphy, American Medal of Honor recipient and actor (d. 1971). A very brave man but a terrible actor.

Died on this day in:

1947Bugsy Siegel, American crime figure (b. 1906)

1963Raphaël Salem, Greek mathematician (b. 1898) I think the Greeks need him again.

2003Bob Stump, American politician (b. 1927) You americans have some wonderful names.

And now the best part – the lighter bit this time c/o http://www.welshjokes.com/jokes/aboutwales/5.shtml

Stuck in a ravine

An Englishman travelling on a very dark night in the Welsh mountains heard a cry for help from someone who had fallen into a ravine near the road.

“Who is it?” he replied cautiously, fearing a trap.

“Dafydd ap Gwilym ap Rhys AP Gruffydd ap Ifan ap Jenkyn” came the response.

“Well”, rejoined the Englishman, “if there’s half a dozen of you down there you can jolly well pull one another out.”

Once again no offence intended!