I tried to grow a beard

This is a photograph obviously taken from the front cover of a BBC dvd. I own the complete series of this story of nutters. It is absolutely hilarious. But why am I showing you this? I want you to look at the character in the middle. Dear old Uncle Albert, an ex-merchant seaman with the finest beard on television.

My friends in work call me Uncle Albert because I spent a very short time on the ocean’s waves. I was in the Royal Navy as a radio operator for all of two and a half years. So, being on holiday for all of nine days I thought I’d surprise them when I returned.

I tried to grow a beard…and failed!

The continual itching drove me mad. The reflection in my mirror gave me palpitations. God, I was scruffy! Grey mottled with dirty brown, or was it black. I never looked long enough to ascertain the true colour. And then one day, six days into it, I realized I had a dental appointment. I couldn’t face a very attractive dentist looking as if I’d crawled out of the nearest drainpipe – she’d have keeled over (notice the nautical pun).

So I shaved! And what a blessed relief. My complexion looks heaps better but I won’t say anything about the wrinkles I uncovered.

Now, some of you may be wondering why I bothered. I did many a time over those last days. It was the simple fact that I have been using a photograph of myself as a gravatar that is twenty years old. That was also pointed out in work; I hadn’t noticed (being a very observant security guard). So a change of image was called for…but sorry…not yet.

I have to find a decent updated photograph that won’t frighten anyone who accidentally comes across this page.

Now to a bit of the serious c/o http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/29_September

On this day in:

61 BCPompey the Great celebrates his third triumph for victories over the pirates and the end of the Mithridatic Wars – now ain’t that a real sailor’s name!

1911Italy declares war on the Ottoman Empire. – did they win?

1962Alouette 1, the first Canadian satellite, is launched. – didn’t know they had one.

Born this day:

106 BCPompey the Great, consul of Rome (d. 48 BC) – here he is again!

1758Horatio Nelson, British admiral (d. 1805) – what can I say!

1907Gene Autry, American actor, singer, and businessman (d. 1998) – he’d have looked good in a sailor suit riding his horse!

Died this day:

1804Michael Hillegas, first Treasurer of the United States (b. 1728) – blame him, I dare you!

1913Rudolf Diesel, Inventor of Diesel Engine (b. 1858) – I bet he’s turning in his grave the price on his fuel these days.

2002Edmund Trebus, English compulsive hoarder (b. 1918) – we’ve all got them.

And now the not so serious c/o http://www.cloverquotes.com/about/funny?feature=popular_topics

Whenever I see an old lady slip and fall on a wet sidewalk, my first instinct is to laugh. But then I think, what if I was an ant, and she fell on me. Then it wouldn’t seem quite so funny. Jack Handey·
Once again, no offence intended!

 

One thought on “I tried to grow a beard

  1. As I was reading your post (funny as always!), I looked at your Twitter feed and saw you sent out a tweet on my behalf. I didn’t see it on Twitter since it didn’t have @carrie_rubin in it. So sorry to have missed it and not thanked you properly! But thank you now. That is much appreciated!!

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